My Life in Music: Wet Man

The first record I bought…
When I was three years old and remember nothing much but flashes of Sheffield concrete, perms and obscure VFX played out on a walnut finish television set, me and my brother were gifted the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 7″ single off the back of the original motion picture movie. The track titled ‘Spin that Wheel (Turtles Get Real)’ by Hi Tek 3 featuring Ya Kid K, which, listening back, is a banger. Many years later, it turns out this was the first record I bought, since my brother lost a bet with me on whether any actual Turtles sang on said track (he thought Leonardo was the rapping).

My first gig…
This is not very representative of me now, and I apologise to any fan readers in advance. But when I was 16, I was violently insecure, the ‘mosher’ scene of the 2000s had been dying out in replacement of American hardcore punk. My friends, who I thought were hypocritical for still eating at McDonald’s, had said they were gonna go see a band titled Leftöver Crack at Under the Boardwalk, which was a gig where stomping and forcefully shoving each other around in the pit was a big selling point. Anyways, I stood awkwardly at the back for fear of my sparrow-like bones being crushed by a hammer of leather, dreadlocks and aluminium spikes.

Turns out that after the third song the set had to be cut short since my mate had broken both his arms in the pit. True story! 

The first song I performed…
The first song I ever performed was ‘Frosty the Snowman’ (The Ronettes version) at my primary school Christmas show. My father still asks for a Wet Man rendition, and I tell him I don’t have the range anymore. It breaks his heart every year.

A song I wish I’d wrote…
‘I’m Bored’ by Iggy Pop. And it’s not even a good song but I was considering saying Lou Reed – ‘Perfect Day’ or Four Tops – ‘Bernadette’. I guess sometimes it’s better to be a naive little animal: ferocious, daft yet straight to the point and somewhat genius are the lyrics of Iggy in this era. The live studio version on YouTube is incredible, and you can really see how bored he is with general consensus. ‘Perfect Day’ can park it.

Only messin’! It’s ‘Spin that Wheel (Turtles Get Real) by Hi Tek 3 featuring Ya Kid K.

I first fell in love with music when…
When my parents took me and my older brother on UK holidays in a car full of quilts (car quilts are illegal now). My parents used to play compilations they’d made on tape cassette and it was a weird mix of B52s, Prefab Sprout, Kraftwerk, Devo, The Doors and Trojan Records. It amazes me how much my love of music has grown since then, expanding into soul, disco, OG punk, post-punk and Captain Beefheart’s weird Trout Mask Replica album.

A song I can’t get out of my head at the minute…
Frank Sidebottom’s rendition of the Fall Classic ‘Hit the North’ featuring Little Frank and Paul Ryder on bass. R.I.P. to Timperley’s finest.

A record which reminds me of a specific time and place…
‘Spaceman’ by Babylon Zoo reminds me of sitting by the TV watching Top of the Pops on a Friday night, with scalded thighs from the steaming bags of fish and chips previously resting on me from sitting in a Ford Vauxhall. We had some really batshit artists in the pop music industry at that time, many so diverse in style and being ‘out there’. ‘Spaceman’ makes my teeth go weird, it’s the musical equivalent of eating a handful of Sour Chewits before your tea. The song literally changes tempo and becomes an advert for jeans (who’da thought it?) and the singer’s name was Jazz Man. It’s an intergalactic crime.

Music allows me to…
Lose several hours of sleep most nights trying to create a work I can be truly proud of. By slaving away at nonsense clickable buttons on the grey backdrop of Ableton Live. On stage, it has allowed me to finally be myself, in a world where I feel I am not quite understood or appreciated, although it does best not to pander to the room. Music allows me to express the thoughts, emotions and sometimes jokes that are otherwise bottled inside me as I see another David Icke viral conspiracy video (When Turtles Get Real).

Wet Man will headline a release show party for his new single ‘Discontent Creator’ at Hallamshire Hotel on Friday 3rd May, with additional performances from Jellyskin and Crystal Blaze. Tickets (£7) here. 

 @wet_man_music