If you’re considering leaving your marriage with children it can feel an especially difficult decision to make. Some people will advise you to stay, while others will recommend the opposite. While many children can fare well in a divorce, many of us are aware that exposure to parental disputes can negatively affect children’s mental health, so it’s important to steer away from unnecessary conflict. In this article, we will look at the steps you should take to mitigate the impact of divorce on your children.
Try to make agreements between yourselves
Try to put your own feelings to one side when discussing the children with your spouse. Although this can be difficult, everyone will benefit from the absence of overt or underlying parental conflict. Put yourself in your spouses and your children’s shoes and base your discussions on this understanding. You want to reach and decision, so engaging in more arguments will only delay matters. Be calm and collected during your conversations and prepare yourself for being diplomatic while also expecting the same respect from your spouse.
Have joint conversations with your children
Change is difficult for children but you can improve the process by demonstrating that you are in agreement with their other parent and you both want to do what is best for them. Explain that your love for them won’t change, even though your relationship and living and arrangements will. Jointly clarify where you will live and what that environment will look like to them. Children also need to know that the reason you are getting divorced is not because of anything they have done. Let them know they can talk to you anytime and attempt to strike the balance between being open and honest, without airing any negative views about the other parent.
Consider mediation
If you cannot agree on things with your spouse, and remain in conflict, then mediation is a potential next step. Rather than going to court, mediation offers a different route to settling disagreements, misunderstandings and working out pathways to new solutions. Both spouses meet with a neutral and independent mediator who assists both parties in working through issues and negotiating constructively. It is a confidential service and allows spouses to create their own joint agreement for their children. There are several benefits of mediation including a typically lower cost than going to court, and it often provides a more amicable platform to resolve differences.
Plan a new home for your children
When thinking of the welfare and happiness of your child in a divorce, consider where they will live and what their new homes will look like. Again, the change will be tough, even if the new home has lots of benefits, so make sure you are concurrently spending lots of positive time with your children. Work out a system for drop offs, school runs and other routines matters and how you will approach school holidays, for example. Knowing what is happening and there is a timetable set out for them, will help your child feel safe and secure. Remain amicable during handovers with your soon-to-be ex-spouse so your children can see positive examples of how to communicate.
Conclusion
All divorce cases involving children are different. In some situations, for example, where there is domestic abuse, it can be impossible to leave your marriage in the way you might like. Where you have tried to keep your marriage together, and both you and your spouse know divorce is the best for everyone, talking to your children frankly but kindly, showing a united front and having a new system in place will help your children steer through divorce more smoothly.
