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Splitting up from a spouse or long-term partner is an emotionally charged time, particularly if there are child arrangements to sort out. It’s almost always best if you can agree on where your children will live and how your arrangements for them will work without involving the courts. However, in many cases this is simply not possible. We look at the most effective ways you can reach agreements following your separation or divorce.
Discuss things with your ex
If it is feasible to speak to your ex-spouse or partner, then be prepared in advance to make the conversation succinct and as amiable as possible. Write a list of all the things you’d like to discuss and consider areas where you are willing to be flexible. Next, you will need to decide on the specific times and days of the week or month your child will stay with each parent. You will need to consider average working hours, shift patterns and other child care that your child has such as going to nursery, or staying with grandparents. Helps to write it down into a parenting plan. Ideally, arrange to meet in a place that is neutral and without the children being present. Think about the situation through your ex’s eyes and if things become antagonistic, step away from the discussion and arrange to revisit the issues again when you have both had time to think about things.
When you can’t agree on child care matters following your split
When you can’t agree on things, you will need to get in touch with a family lawyer who will be able to negotiate on your behalf and work towards getting arrangements drawn up in a Consent Order. This is also known as a child arrangement order that has been made out of mutual consent. Fundamentally, the courts are not interested in which parent may be considered right or wrong, but what is deemed the most beneficial for the child or children in terms of their interests and welfare. The courts will take into account what the children want, their ages, and how proposed contact and living arrangements may affect them.
Try meditation
Another option for making child care arrangements is through the mediation process. Mediation doesn’t not involve the courts and although the agreements reached through the process are not legally binding, it is a more formal way of finding resolutions. The primary aim of a mediator is to help parties reach conclusions on children, money and property issues and to stay impartial throughout. The final agreements are flexible and can change as circumstances evolve. Mediation is also considered to be a good basis for parties making decisions in the future. During mediation sessions, a mediator will work with both parents, discussing the issues specific to their case and understanding the position of each and the best interest for the child.
Paying child maintenance
All parents have a financial responsibility to their children, regardless of whether they were married or in a civil partnership. A child’s main carers will receive maintenance money from the paying parent. Some child payment arrangements require the input of the Child Maintenance Service to help ascertain what amount should be received and to ensure payments are made. Factors that the CMS take into account include the precise income of the parent who will be paying, the number of nights the child stays with the other parent and how many children need to be paid for, this is reviewed annually.
Making arrangements can start off being a difficult and highly emotional process, but as time goes by, and when plans are realistic and based on strong mutual agreement, they usually take care of themselves. When things aren’t going to plan, your first port of call should be a conversation with your former partner and where this fails, you may need to gain legal support from a family lawyer.
