Hogwarts

5 Fictional Schools We Wish We Could Attend

For most of us, the high point of an average day at school was when the teacher ran out of staples and had to leave the class unattended for a brief period while she retrieved emergency replacements from one of her cohorts. Oh what fun we had in the staple window!

On the contrary, school life as depicted on the silver or small screen never seems to contain a dull moment. Fictional primary and secondary schools from books, films and TV shows turn education into entertainment, making us want to step inside the television set and spend the rest of our days engaging in immature tomfoolery with our new classmates. Here are five of our favourite centres of learning that unfortunately only exist in the pages of literature or on DVD and Blu-ray.

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Best get this one of the way early on, eh? If anyone tells you they wouldn’t kill for the chance to go to Hogwarts they’re either a) lying b) didn’t understand the question or c) an admirably-principled pacifist. Though of course it’s not possible to don the Sorting Hat or partake in a game of Quidditch for real, you can do the next best thing: visit Hogwarts at Warner Bros Studios.

As well as being afforded the chance to enter the Great Hall and see all of the costumes, props and sets used in the films, you’ll also gain a privileged insight into how some of the trickier scenes were filmed.

Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters

Another supernatural centre of learning, Xavier’s School has a pretty tough policy on accepting new students: you have to be a mutant. That rules pretty much all of us out, which is a shame since it’s housed in a beautiful building, has its own sports facilities and is home to the mutant detector, Cerebro.

Glossing over the fact that the school is pretty much under constant attack from Magneto and all the other bad-ass supervillains on a daily basis, we feel it would be a lovely place to receive your education. Especially in the spring.

Bayside High

’90s kids will remember all too well the familiar theme tune to Saved by the Bell and the slice-of-American-pie-school that played backdrop to the show, Bayside. And who could forget its stern but fair headmaster, Mr Belding?

Bayside would be the perfect place to brush up on your maths, geography and science whilst learning valuable life lessons about the dangers of cheating on your homework, bingeing on caffeine pills or making raunchy sex tapes (oh wait, that was real).

Crunchem Hall Primary School

Though Matilda and her classmates might have undergone traumatic experiences at the hands of their principal Miss Trunchbull (including THAT scene with all the cake), let’s not forget her counterpoint, Miss Honey. Quite possibly the most divine didactic creature created in fiction, Miss Honey even moved young Matilda to lyrical heights in the form of a poem! Now that’s inspirational teaching.

Oh yeah, and hanging out with Matilda whilst she levitates stuff would be pretty cool, too.

Summer Heights High

Those unfamiliar with the Australian sketch show Summer Heights High should really do themselves a favour and get their grubby mitts on the outstanding nine episodes which make up the series as soon as possible. From the hilariously dark imagination of Chris Lilley come three hysterical characters:

  • Ja’mie, a conceited princess with absolutely no sense of self-awareness
  • Jonah, a belligerent and unintelligent bully who repeatedly falls afoul of the authorities, and
  • Mr G, the overzealous and overbearing drama teacher.

Just watching Lilley in action as he assumes the personas of all three comic creations would be well worth going to school for!




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